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[laughter] >> jon: jon stewart, "the daily show." i have a quick question. as a frequent radioshack customer, i may be qualified to tell you what may be an issue with your plan, but go ahead. >> the problem with it was the limited battery life. [laughter and applause] >> jon: see, the batteries at radioshack are designed to work with one of those little remote control helicopters that work... once. [laughter] so now that we know the g.p.s. tracking system for the assault rifles we sold mexican cartels didn't work, how do we find out where the guns are? what is plan "b"? >> the only way you're going to find those guns in mexico is where? >> at crime scenes in which either the bad guy was killed and his gun was left at the scene or used during the commission of a crime in which the gun was left behind. >> jon: okay. [laughter] so our plan to prevent american guns from being used in mexican gang violence is to provide mexican gangs american guns. [laughter] to use according to our plan. [laughter] how exactly did we convince the mexican government to cooperate
[laughter] >> jon: jon stewart, "the daily show." i have a quick question. as a frequent radioshack customer, i may be qualified to tell you what may be an issue with your plan, but go ahead. >> the problem with it was the limited battery life. [laughter and applause] >> jon: see, the batteries at radioshack are designed to work with one of those little remote control helicopters that work... once. [laughter] so now that we know the g.p.s. tracking system for the...
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jon jon this movie, this movie, tell me about... you look very good. >> are you ever cutting to camera three? if you're not, [bleeped] the tie. i don't care. >> jon: give him three, chuck. look, look, look. oh, no, that's not working. can i tell you something, though? i like it, though. it has a certain... there's a debonair quality to it. you don't look disheveled. no matter what i do, i look disheveled. you look very sharp. >> tommy cleans up good. >> jon: tommy does clean up good. tell me about this "larry crowne." it seems like a "stella gets her groove back" for middle-aged white guys. [laughter] chew on that. chew on that. >> i'm going to. >> jon: enjoy that one. >> it started off going for that target audience, as a matter of fact. i find the middle-aged white guys are not represented enough in today's american media. [laughter] >> jon: they are victims in many respects. >> they are indeed underlings. >> jon: they are underlings. tell me about this julia roberts. she seems to have a few... >> she's a nut. she's an absolute co
jon jon this movie, this movie, tell me about... you look very good. >> are you ever cutting to camera three? if you're not, [bleeped] the tie. i don't care. >> jon: give him three, chuck. look, look, look. oh, no, that's not working. can i tell you something, though? i like it, though. it has a certain... there's a debonair quality to it. you don't look disheveled. no matter what i do, i look disheveled. you look very sharp. >> tommy cleans up good. >> jon: tommy does...
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jon jon this movie, this movie, tell me about... you look very good. >> are you ever cutting to camera three? if you're not, [bleeped] the tie. i don't care. >> jon: give him three, chuck. look, look, look. oh, no, that's not working. can i tell you something, though? i like it, though. it has a certain... there's a debonair quality to it. you don't look disheveled. no matter what i do, i look disheveled. you look very sharp. >> tommy cleans up good. >> jon: tommy does clean up good. tell me about this "larry crowne." it seems like a "stella gets her groove back" for middle-aged white guys. [laughter] chew on that. chew on that. >> i'm going to. >> jon: enjoy that one. >> it started off going for that target audience, as a matter of fact. i find the middle-aged white guys are not represented enough in today's american media. [laughter] >> jon: they are victims in many respects. >> they are indeed underlings. >> jon: they are underlings. tell me about this julia roberts. she seems to have a few... >> she's a nut. she's an absolute co
jon jon this movie, this movie, tell me about... you look very good. >> are you ever cutting to camera three? if you're not, [bleeped] the tie. i don't care. >> jon: give him three, chuck. look, look, look. oh, no, that's not working. can i tell you something, though? i like it, though. it has a certain... there's a debonair quality to it. you don't look disheveled. no matter what i do, i look disheveled. you look very sharp. >> tommy cleans up good. >> jon: tommy does...
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. >> jon: yes! finally. ( applause ) let me tell you what's going on. i do an interview with chris wallace. i mentioned fox news viewers were the most consistently misinformed viewers in every poll. politifact said i shouldn't have said every poll. just most. i brought up a 21 lie salute of politifact spot fact checking so i assume that chris wallace now begins the work of apologizing for fox's many false and misleading statements. probably do a blooper show and carry us into the 2014 midterm s with a clear conscious. >> do you believe that fox news is exactly the ideological equivalent... of nbc news. >> i think we're the counterweight. i think they have a liberal agenda. i think we tell the other side of the story. jon seemed to think that was a big deal that i said we tell the other side of the story. i wish i had said the full story. here's what i meant. >> jon: wait. that was a big deal that you said that. that's your setting the record straight? i accidentally told the truth and wish i could t
. >> jon: yes! finally. ( applause ) let me tell you what's going on. i do an interview with chris wallace. i mentioned fox news viewers were the most consistently misinformed viewers in every poll. politifact said i shouldn't have said every poll. just most. i brought up a 21 lie salute of politifact spot fact checking so i assume that chris wallace now begins the work of apologizing for fox's many false and misleading statements. probably do a blooper show and carry us into the 2014...
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: you applied your own tourniquet. >> yes. >> jon: and stayed in command of... wow. i mean, i'm honestly speechless. it's a remarkable story, and the one thing, as remarkable as the heroism in that is, is your remarkable heroism and your brothers and all the service people, as extraordinary as your acts were, what's really extraordinary is your ordinary service, the six tours in afghanistan and the two tours in iraq and all that you've done without commendation. i'm so pleased and honored that you would here today. i just wanted to thank you personally for not just your heroism but just your service, which is extraordinary in and of itself. i thank you so much for being here. do you have a couple minutes? we'll talk a little bit. we're going to throw it up on the web, the second part. we're going to stay here. it's just an honor to see you, sir. sergeant first class leroy petry. we're going to you could save a bundle with geico's multi-policy discount. geico, saving people money on more than just car insurance. ♪ geico, saving people money on more than just ca
: you applied your own tourniquet. >> yes. >> jon: and stayed in command of... wow. i mean, i'm honestly speechless. it's a remarkable story, and the one thing, as remarkable as the heroism in that is, is your remarkable heroism and your brothers and all the service people, as extraordinary as your acts were, what's really extraordinary is your ordinary service, the six tours in afghanistan and the two tours in iraq and all that you've done without commendation. i'm so pleased and...
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>> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. here it, is your moment of zen. >> this is the last time that there's ever going to be harry potter film premier. it's like the end of an era. >> oh, my gosh, i'm so >> stephen: tonight, will a scandal bring down rupert murdoch? no. then a new threat from gitmo detainees. if they get any more dangerous, we might have to charge them with something. and my guest is jose antonio vargas, who recently admitted being an illegal immigrant. my original guest was the american whose job he stole. who has two thumbs and is incredibly bad at gesturing at himself? this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: thank you for joining us, everybody. [audience chanting "stephen"] oh, that's nice. thank you for joining us. you know, once these people... once these people start chanting my name, you can't stop them. [laughter] folks, i want to say hello to everybody watching in america, especially to our viewers in italy. wel
>> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. here it, is your moment of zen. >> this is the last time that there's ever going to be harry potter film premier. it's like the end of an era. >> oh, my gosh, i'm so >> stephen: tonight, will a scandal bring down rupert murdoch? no. then a new threat from gitmo detainees. if they get any more dangerous, we might have to charge them with something. and my guest is jose antonio vargas, who recently admitted being an...